


Silent Killer

by Sunglows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cancer, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean Winchester Imagine, Dean Winchester One Shot, Dean Winchester and Feelings, Destiel - Freeform, Female POV, Female Reader, Female reader insert, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam Winchester, Jared Padalecki - Freeform, Jensen Ackles - Freeform, Megstiel - Freeform, Mentions of Cancer, Misha Collins - Freeform, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Reader-Insert, SPN - Freeform, SPN family, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Sam and Dean Winchester - Freeform, Sam-Centric, Spn fandom, Spn fans, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural Fandom - Freeform, Supernatural fans - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, crowley - Freeform, dean and sam - Freeform, mark sheppard - Freeform, reader has cancer, rowena - Freeform, sam and dean - Freeform, sam winchester imagine, sam winchester one shot, supernatural family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 09:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11964786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunglows/pseuds/Sunglows
Summary: Everyone has secrets. Do you think some secrets should be told? What if it was a secret that could be life changing for Sam and Dean?





	Silent Killer

The sickening hospital smell had done it to you. The smell of cleaning product and sickness made you race to the restroom and made you expel the contents of that mornings breakfast.

You thought that by now the smell wouldn’t bug you, but it did.

Chemotherapy. It’s not a word people want to hear and certainly not something they want to go through. But, for those of us with cancer, we often don’t have a choice.

You remembered how terrified you were of getting your first chemotherapy treatment.

Would I be sick? Would I have a reaction to the medication? Would I be in a room by myself or with other chemo patients?

You really didn’t know what to expect the first day.

At Stockdale Hospital, you had a TV, Internet access, a recliner and best of all warm blankets.

They also had food service at lunch and dinner if someone were to get hungry.

Once you were in the infusion suite, the nurse ordered the chemotherapy, calling it a “cocktail”. Although you could never see it as a cocktail.

It usually took at least 30 minutes for the drugs to arrive. Some of the pre-medications were steroids, anti-nausea medications and/or anxiety medications. You always thought they were useless because you felt nauseous and tired regardless.

Within that meantime, your nurse accessed your “Power Port”. If a person didn’t have one, then the nurse will just start an IV in the arm. In your case, you had an IV.

As soon as the medications were delivered, your nurse hung the bags of medication on the IV stand and then walked off to start someone else’s IV.

The steroids they gave you were meant to give you energy, but the anti-anxiety drugs they gave also made you sleepy.

Every so often, the nurse would come in and check your vitals to make sure you weren’t having some kind of allergic reaction to the medicine. She would come every five minutes, which was a total of four times, because you always had to have chemo done for twenty minutes.

Within that time, you contemplated on how you were lucky that you were still doing credit card scams. If it wasn’t for the scams, you had no idea how else you would pay for the therapy.

The IV stand is mobile, so if you wanted to, you could roll it with you in case you wanted to take a walk or sit outside. Which was usually never, because you were always so tired.

After the chemotherapy was finished, the nurse flushed your IV line with saline and then took out your IV.

Most times, they have you wait 30 minutes after the chemotherapy is done to make sure you don’t have any reactions to the medications. You haven’t had any reactions within the past two years, but your first year of chemo was filled with allergic reactions. You assumed your body grew accustomed to the medicine, but the nurse always wanted to be sure and safe.

At that point, you were allowed to go home. You were excited to go home and sleep. That’s basically all you’ve been doing anyways.

::

“Hey, where were you? We’ve been calling you all morning.”

You didn’t want to hear it. You heard the nagging every single time you came back from chemo. But all you wanted to do was sleep.

“I was out for breakfast.” You lied to him and adjusted the beanie you were wearing. You lying straight to his face has become a norm now.

“And you couldn’t call?” He had wide angry eyes and you were nothing but annoyed.

“Phone died.” You continued walking to your room, from the library room that was in the bunker. You walked past his brother and he stopped in his tracks, but you continued to walk.

“Hey Y/N, you okay? We were worried about you.”

Again. You understood they wanted to make sure you were safe, but at this point, you were dead whether you were out there wrestling with monsters or in here sleeping in your bed.

You ignored him. Back slouched and feet dragging, you finally made it to your room. You flopped your body onto the bed, feeling heavy as ever. You were cold but your body was so tired, you couldn’t even move. Surely and slowly and then all at once, your brain followed suit and you fell asleep.

::

You woke up and checked the time.

9:10

You couldn’t tell if it was a.m. or p.m. considering there were zero windows in your room and the bunker.

You got up, feeling slightly nauseous but no longer tired, you made your way out of the room and into the kitchen. You adjusted your beanie and reached for a cup in the cupboard.

You poured yourself some water and ice and downed it in one go. You didn’t realize how thirsty you were until you felt the coldness of the water stream down your throat.

You heard footsteps behind you but you didn’t bother to look.

“Hey Y/N.” Was all that was said from the deep and raspy voice.

You turned around and faced towards him, and tried to smile the best you could.

“Hey.” You said back to Dean.

“I know I always ask you this, but, are you alright? You don’t look too good and you haven’t looked good for a while now.”

You nodded your head and tried to straighten your posture the best you could. You felt slight pain, and you knew that by the end of the day, your pain was going to become agonizingly worse.

“Okay just let me or Sam know if you need anything, alright?”

You nodded your head and the green eyed man walked out of the kitchen.

You poured yourself more water and walked to the fridge to get some food out. Ever since you had to start chemo, you’ve had to change your diet from greasy foods to green foods.

You took out a salad box, that you bought yourself the other day, and brought your water and salad to the table in the library. You sat down on one of the hard wooden chairs, wincing in pain as you slowly sat down.

“You okay Y/N?” Sam said from behind you.

“Yeah, I’m okay Sammy.”

“You sure? You looked like you were in pain trying to sit down.” He walked around from behind you to look at your face. “Not to mention you look like you haven’t slept in days when you just slept for a whole day when you came back from your ‘breakfast’.”

He air quoted the word “breakfast” and all you did was roll your eyes.

“Sam please. Not today.” You adjusted your beanie again, trying to make sure it stayed on your head.

“Then when?!” He shouted. You closed your eyes in pain, your head throbbing and pounding against your skull.

Sam noticed your expression and lowered his voice.

“Then when? Dean and I know something is up with you. Did a werewolf bite you or did a vampire get to you or something?”

You shook your head with every assumption he had.

“Then what is it?”

You looked into his eyes and you could see he was pained seeing you like this. A tear fell from your eye and all you did was close them. You couldn’t tell them. You didn’t have the audacity to let them know that you’ve had cancer for the past three years and have been hiding it from them ever since.

You shook your head again. “I can’t tell you guys.”

“Why not?” Sam asked with sad eyes.

“I just can’t. Please just try to understand. I’ll be okay. I am okay. I promise.”

Your heart broke with those last two words. You knew you were making a promise that would break soon.

“You have a few months left.” Those were the words the doctor gave you every single time you walked in to receive your chemotherapy.

You knew that in a few months, you will be leaving Sam and Dean soon, yet here you were, being extremely selfish with the information that you had about yourself. You just couldn’t find the courage to tell them.

“Hey, I think I found ourselves a vampire’s nest. I think the three of us should check it out.” Dean said as he walked into the library and took a seat across from you and Sam.

You nodded in agreement, as did Sam.

::

There were three vamps left. Sam and Dean went after one each, and you went after the third one. You were running as quick as you could, but you felt as if your lungs were going to collapse.

You were finally catching up to your vamp, when you turned a corner and the vamp had no other way out.

The male vampire hissed at you and drew out his teeth. You readjusted your beanie and brought your arms up to swing the machete you had, but your body began to lose its balance and you felt as if you could no longer control your muscle movement.

First, your body dropped to the floor, then all at once, you became unconscious and your eyes slowly closed, enveloping you in nothing but darkness.

::

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That sound sounded familiar.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You knew it was a heart monitor before you even opened your eyes.

That smell. Oh that smell. It was always just enough to want to make you barf, and in some occasions, it actually did.

The feeling was coming, and it was coming quick. You opened your eyes quickly and adjusted to your environment as fast as possible. You looked around for a restroom and ran to it, dragging your connected IV with you.

You slammed the door shut and hunched over the toilet. Expelling nothing but stomach acid, you continued to dry heave until your body decided it was enough. You wiped your mouth with your hand and flushed the toilet. With all of your strength, you closed your eyes and pushed yourself up off the floor and walked to the sink. You turned on the cold water and rinsed the disgusting taste from your lips and mouth.

You shut the water off and opened your eyes to look at your reflection in the mirror that was above the sink.

You gasped and took a step back. Your face was a pale white and you had bags under your eyes. Your eyes were bloodshot red and your lips were cracking from being so dry. Not to mention, someone removed your beanie from your head.

You stood there with your mouth gaped as you took in your bald head and pale face. You looked sick and you were barely able to recognize yourself in your reflection.

You realized that now, you look like a sick cancer patient. Those cancer movies don’t exaggerate when they show people that are pale white with no hair.

You took a minute to process the way you looked and then thought about how you even got here in the first place.

You remembered blacking out at the vamps nest but everything after that is nothing but black.

You began to grow nervous, because you knew Sam and Dean took you to the hospital. You slowly made your way out of the bathroom and looked around your hospital room.

The couch and the chair looked like they’ve been slept on and there was food on the table that was eaten already.

You got back into bed slowly, your body aching with every movement.

Once in the bed, you slowly laid your head back and closed your eyes.

Although you didn’t fall asleep, laying right there in that bed with no noise inside the room, was the most peaceful you’ve ever felt.

That was until you heard heavy footsteps walk into your room.

You knew it wasn’t a nurse who walked in so you kept your eyes closed.

You heard movement across the room and then you heard the footsteps stop at the couch and the chair.

You opened your eyes and lifted your head, to see Sam and Dean sitting down staring at you.

You stared back at them and you could see anger and hurt in their eyes. You stood quiet and waited for them to say something first because quite frankly, you didn’t have the energy to even speak.

“When were you going to tell us?” Dean was the first to break the furious silence.

All you did was shrug your shoulders. That alone felt like it took all your energy to do.

“That’s it? That’s all we get from you is a…,” Dean mimicked the way you shrugged your shoulders and continued talking. “Three years Y/N. You knew you had leukemia for three years and you never thought about telling us?! We became family! You’ve been family ever since we saved you from that djinn! We brought you in and considered you a Winchester for ten years, but you didn’t think it mattered to tell us you had cancer?!”

You closed your eyes in pain. Where the heck are the nurses when you need them?

Dean sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. “I need some air.” He said and walked right out of the room.

You stared at the doorway, thinking Dean would come back in and apologize for being dramatic, but he never did.

You looked back at Sam who was staring angrily at you all the while having a sad look as well.

“Why Y/N? We love you but you don’t tell us. Why? That’s all I want to know.” His face dropped and he look as if he was about to cry.

Your heart began to break knowing that Dean and Sam were acting like this because of you. You took a deep breath and answered his question.

“Because I couldn’t.” You said simply.

Sam brought his eyebrows together. “What do you mean?”

You shook your head, but stopped immediately because of the nausea that was arriving.

“I couldn’t. I didn’t have the courage to tell you guys. I had depression for about a year before I finally realized that I was, in fact, going to die. No amount of chemotherapy or radiation would have helped. So I hid it from you both. I thought I was saving you guys the heartache that I had when I found out.”

Warm tears began falling from your eyes as you were talking. Small tears turned into a full sob and Sam was right by your side, caressing your head.

You moved over for Sam to get in bed with you, and he did. His long body hung over the bed, and he continued to hug you until your sobbing subsided. Fortunately for you, you fell asleep against his chest to the soft sound of his heartbeat.

::

“Dean, I really think you should apologize. I already told you why she did what she did. She didn’t want us to be sad like the way she was when she found out.”

You heard Sam’s voice talking right outside of your door. You opened your eyes wider and tried listening in on his conversation with his brother.

“She lied to us Sam!” Dean shouted.

“No actually she didn’t. She tried protecting us and our feelings. Which is something that you seem to be skipping over in your head.”

You heard a heavy sigh and movement outside your door.

Dean walked in first and made eye contact with you. His eyes were angry at first, but then changed to sorrow.

“Hey Y/N, how are you feeling?”

You smiled and slightly laughed. “Like a train hit me a million times.”

“That bad huh? What’s it like to have cancer?” He asked sincerely.

“To be honest? I can feel my body dying. I can feel myself becoming worse and not getting any better. I feel like I want to kill myself because I’m going to die anyway, but I’m also scared to do it. My bones hurt all the time as does my head, and I am always tired and nauseous.”

Dean frowned at your words and he walked up to you. He brought the side of your blanket up and searched for your hand. When he found it, he entwined his fingers with yours.

“I wish you would’ve told us when you found out Y/N. I know we couldn’t have stopped the cancer from growing, but it would have been nice to go through this with you. You know, so you wouldn’t have to deal with it by yourself.”

You softly nodded your head. “I know Dean, and I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to put this burden on you guys. You two have enough going on as it is.”

Dean bent over and kissed your head softly, lingering his kiss for a few seconds.

“I love you, Y/N. Sam and I both do.” Dean looked at Sam and you looked at Sam and he nodded in agreement.

“At least now, all three of us can go through this together.” Sam said as he walked up to your bed and grabbed your other hand. He placed a gentle kiss on your pink knuckles.

::

April 29, 1990 - May 8, 2017  
Here lies our loving friend  
Y/F/N Y/L/N  
R.I.P. Sweetheart


End file.
